Friday, December 14, 2007

Dodged that bullet!


Ladies and gentlemen, the silver lining to the Everett signing.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Adam Everett Signing

I really, really, really do not want to talk about it.

This is all I can muster:

"Everett, who turns 31 on Feb. 2, batted .232 with a .281 on-base percentage and .318 slugging percentage in 66 games with the Astros last season and missed three months with a broken leg. His career batting average is .248." -

Bartlett wasn't the answer? But Everett is?

What the heck is going on around here???

(I'm going to stick my fingers in my ears and pretend the Mitchell report never happened. Yes, the sport is/was filthy to the core. I know that. Everyone knows that. We just need a plan to FIX IT. Quit spreading blame and FIX IT.)

(You are a total retard if you didn't think Clemens was one of the names on the list. And even though I hate the Red Sox, I will be totally bummed if Schilling's name is called out - cause that would totally taint the bloody sock game, which is one of the coolest moments ever in baseball).


The Twins non-tendered Jason Tyner yesterday.

Now the Twins have zero, count em, zero players with big league centerfield experience.


Personally, I really do think Denard Span IS the centerfielder of the future, but that is at least two years down the road.

So, question: who the heck is going to play center?

Wednesday, December 12, 2007


Last update: December 11, 2007 - 11:04 PM

After acquiring Craig Monroe in a trade with the Cubs last month, the Twins decided they would only keep him if he accepted a pay cut.

Damn right. Cross your fingers, everyone, here we go!!!

On Tuesday, the Twins got their wish, when Monroe agreed to a 20 percent cut from his 2007 salary, signing a one-year, $3.82 million contract.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Oh crap. No. No. No. NO!

At least, at the very least, he took the minimum amount the league rules would allow the Twins to offer.

But still, this sucks. Why? Read all the stuff below, that's why. In summation:

1. Craig Monroe is generally very, very poor at baseball.
2. The Twins are a low-budget squad and they just gave him 4 million dollars to stink at baseball next season.
3. Grrrrrr.

Today is the deadline for teams to offer 2008 contracts, and Monroe was a non-tender candidate, especially after the Twins traded for Delmon Young.

Along with Young, Michael Cuddyer and Jason Kubel, Monroe gives them four corner outfielders vying for three spots -- left field, right field or DH.

Hooray! We have FOUR, count em, FOUR corner outfielders. How many corner outfielders are allowed on the playing field at one time? Two! Count em! Two! Did Bill Smith fail first grade math? Four is greater than two, Billy. How many reserve outfielders do you need?

SAT Question: Terry Ryan is to utility infielders what Bill Smith is to:
Answer: Corner outfielders.

Matt Question: Who the heck is going to play center if no Santana deal goes through?
Bill Smith answer: Drrrrrrrrrrr...

And, seriously, do you want ANY of those guys as your starting DH in 2008? I don't.

"We wouldn't have signed Craig Monroe if we didn't think he would get enough at-bats," Twins GM Bill Smith said. "We think there will be enough at-bats for Monroe, Young, [Jason] Kubel and [Michael] Cuddyer. They are all going to be critical parts of our offense in 2008."

Four guys. Three spots. Does not equal. At bats for everyone. Maybe he is getting a league exemption to play four outfielders like we do in my co-ed softball beer league?

Monroe, who turns 31 in February, batted .255 with 28 home runs, 92 RBI and a .783 on-base-plus-slugging percentage (OPS) while playing left field for the Tigers in 2006.

But he hit just .219 with 12 home runs, 59 RBI and a .638 OPS last season. In August, the Tigers traded him to the Cubs.

Okay, I am not going to go over this again. Craig Monroe is not a 'good' hitter, 2006 was not a 'good' season. Unless he has no hands. Those would be good stats for a person with no hands.

And there should be a 'just' in the first sentence right after the word 'batted'. Similar to its use in the second sentence.

The Twins did not have to send the Cubs a player to complete their trade if they didn't sign Monroe. The player to be named is expected to be a fringe minor leaguer, and the deadline is May 1.

Send them my dog. He's a good pup. Better at soccer than baseball. But will still probably give the Cubs the better deal. Which they deserve for being smart enough to dump Craig Monroe on the hapless Twins.

I wonder if older GMs pick on rookie GMs they way older kids rip off younger kids in baseball card trades?

Monroe made nearly $4.8 million last season. His new salary won't become guaranteed until he
makes the Opening Day roster. If the Twins cut him, they would only have to pay him one-sixth of his salary, or $636,667.

HOPE!!!!!! HOPE!!!!!!!

If he makes the club, he can receive up to $155,000 in plate appearance incentives and $25,000 if he is named comeback player of the year.

If Craig Monroe wins comeback player of the year, I will give him my house.

"Craig's attitude is he's going to play his game, like he did before last season, and force his way into the lineup as much as possible," said Monroe's agent, Ryan Ware.

Kind of a weird end to the article, eh? It just kind of tails off?

And, also, 'force his way into the lineup' is an odd way of putting it, don't you think?

And 'his game'? What game is he playing exactly? Everyone else is playing baseball?

Whatever. I'm spent.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Holy macaroni here we go!

Deadline is tomorrow!

According to today's 'Twins Notes' on, the sides are talking but still have not reached a deal.

Keep your fingers crossed people!

Friday, December 7, 2007



Not sure if that is Wednesday at 12:01am or 11:59pm. But either way, by Thursday morning, we will know whether or not the Twins execs are complete idiots or not.

I'm so excited.

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Free Agents The Twins Should Sign

Tadahito Iguchi

Probably want 6 million for two years, plays a solid 2nd (6 errors in 130+ games last season), and is average at getting on base (.360). What it comes down to is that my dog is better at hitting than Nick Punto. So Iguichi would be a nice upgrade offensively. Priced right, too.

Downside: he's on the wrong side of 30.

Mark Loretta

Again, will probably want around 6 million for two years. Again, he can get on base. He doesn't strike out. He can play both second and short.

But, he is also too old. AND he is SLLLLLLOOOOOOOWWWWW....

However, it would be nice to have a veteran around to school The Kid (Casilla) for a season or two.

David Eckstein

HHAHAHAHAH!!! Just kidding. NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS. I hate that little poop. And, no matter what Joe Buck says, he is effing TERRIBLE at baseball.

And he will become the most over-paid shitty shortstop in baseball in 2008. If the Twins sign him I will throw myself off the Hennepin Ave bridge.

Mike Lamb

He would have to take a paycut, but he would be a nice fit if the Twins give him a full season's worth of at bats. He is only 31 and he gets on base a lot. Shaky defensively though, which probably crosses him right off Gardy's list.

But it shouldn't. He will be a cheap option for that spot (2.8-3.1 million/year) and WILL GET ON BASE.

Underrated equals cheap. This would be their best bet.

Barry Bonds

No, I have not lost my mind.

Yes, he is the exact opposite of everything good about baseball. Yes, he is helping destroy the game that I love.

BUT! He is also a victim of the era. Selig and MLB turned a blind eye to steroid use because the dingers were putting butts in the seats. But whatever, really, the dude can freaking RAKE a baseball. He is, with all apologies to A-Rod, the best hitter in the game right now. Put him at DH and let him crush the ball. And speaking of guys whio can get on base, the dude's lifetime OBP is, sit down for this: .480. Yep, he gets on base almost half the time.

Of course, he is going to prison sometime soon, but they could at least have him for half a season.

Livan Hernandez

Will give you 200 innings. He always does. Except for one season where he pitched 199 2/3. They need this with the young rotation and the lost of Silva.

Yeah, he is something like 47 years old (website says 33, but no one really knows.) Expensive too. But it might be worth it.

Make all of the above happen, and our lineup would look something like this:

(Of course, this is all assuming a Santana trade goes through, otherwise they will not be able to afford any of these dudes):

Ellsbury (or another young CFer obtained in the Santana trade)
Mike Lamb 3B
Delmon Young LF
Joe Mauer C
Barry Efffing Bonds! DH
Justin Morneau 1B
Cuddyer RF
Casilla SS
Loretta 2B


Who am I missing?




Yes, I am living in a dream world.

In reality, the Tigers 2008 lineup looks like this:

1. Curtis Granderson, cf 2. Placido Polanco, 2b 3. Magglio Ordonez, rf 4. Miguel Cabrera, 3b 5. Gary Sheffield, DH 6. Carlos Guillen, 1b 7. Edgar Renteria, ss 8. Jacque Jones, lf 9. Ivan Rodriguez, c.

In other words, they are going to win 105 games. So none of this really matters because it is going to take 106 to win the division and 95 to win the wild card. The Twins are a long way off from that.

But we have that nice new stadium to lose games and be crappy at baseball in!

Le sigh.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Snow and Santana and Kool-Aid

Latest word from the winter meetings down in Memphis is that the Red Sox are really close to getting Santana, but without having to give up Jacoby Ellsbury.

Now, personally, I have not tasted the Jacoby Ellsbury kool-aid (though I must admit it looks really freaking delicious) - I mean, the dude has only played in 33 major leage games. That is just too small of a sample size for me to be comfortable basing a trade of such magnitude on.

The dude, yes, has a extremely high ceiling, but so did Marty Cordova.

All that said, and despite the fact that I have loved, loved, LOVED watching Santana over the past few years, it would be totally freaking sweet to have Ellsbury on our squad.

I will be totally bummed if he was left off the deal.

An outfield of Cuddyer, Ellsbury and Delmon Young. A nice core to open Wells Fargo Park in 2010.

And then there is our 2008 opening day lineup (w/ some holes, of course)

SS (probably that Harris kid from Tampa)

I like it.

What's that old Honus Wagner quote?

"People ask me what I do in the winter. I'll tell you what I do: I stare out the window and wait for spring."


Monday, December 3, 2007

Cloudy with a chance of stinking at baseball

Good news here all around, except for the new non-tender deadline. I could have sworn it was the 1st. Oh well.

Whenever I see the words 'cloudy', 'Craig Monroe', and 'contract situation' in the same article, I get really excited.

Not to mention: 'crowded', 'entrenched', and 'limited at bats in the outfield'.

All of this bodes well for us.

From the latest 'Twins Notes' over at

(Oh, and pitchers and catchers report in 74 days. Always good to remember that when it is three degrees outside like it was this morning. )


Contracts, contracts: The acquisition of Delmon Young makes for a crowded situation at the corner outfield spots in Minnesota.

Michael Cuddyer appears entrenched in right field. If the Twins do move Cuddyer, it seems it would be to left field, opening up the spot in right for Young, who has primarily played there. With Jason Kubel as another option as a backup at the corner positions, it's left the Craig Monroe situation a little cloudy.

The Twins have until Dec. 12 to work out a contract with Monroe, whom they acquired in a trade with the Cubs on Nov. 13. But due to the limited at-bats now available in the outfield, there is a possibility that Monroe could be non-tendered.

Smith reiterated Thursday that the team is still interested in talking with Monroe's agent, Adam Katz, but he would not comment on specific contract discussions.