Free Agents The Twins Should Sign

Tadahito Iguchi

Probably want 6 million for two years, plays a solid 2nd (6 errors in 130+ games last season), and is average at getting on base (.360). What it comes down to is that my dog is better at hitting than Nick Punto. So Iguichi would be a nice upgrade offensively. Priced right, too.

Downside: he's on the wrong side of 30.

Mark Loretta

Again, will probably want around 6 million for two years. Again, he can get on base. He doesn't strike out. He can play both second and short.

But, he is also too old. AND he is SLLLLLLOOOOOOOWWWWW....

However, it would be nice to have a veteran around to school The Kid (Casilla) for a season or two.

David Eckstein

HHAHAHAHAH!!! Just kidding. NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS. I hate that little poop. And, no matter what Joe Buck says, he is effing TERRIBLE at baseball.

And he will become the most over-paid shitty shortstop in baseball in 2008. If the Twins sign him I will throw myself off the Hennepin Ave bridge.

Mike Lamb

He would have to take a paycut, but he would be a nice fit if the Twins give him a full season's worth of at bats. He is only 31 and he gets on base a lot. Shaky defensively though, which probably crosses him right off Gardy's list.

But it shouldn't. He will be a cheap option for that spot (2.8-3.1 million/year) and WILL GET ON BASE.

Underrated equals cheap. This would be their best bet.

Barry Bonds

No, I have not lost my mind.

Yes, he is the exact opposite of everything good about baseball. Yes, he is helping destroy the game that I love.

BUT! He is also a victim of the era. Selig and MLB turned a blind eye to steroid use because the dingers were putting butts in the seats. But whatever, really, the dude can freaking RAKE a baseball. He is, with all apologies to A-Rod, the best hitter in the game right now. Put him at DH and let him crush the ball. And speaking of guys whio can get on base, the dude's lifetime OBP is, sit down for this: .480. Yep, he gets on base almost half the time.

Of course, he is going to prison sometime soon, but they could at least have him for half a season.

Livan Hernandez

Will give you 200 innings. He always does. Except for one season where he pitched 199 2/3. They need this with the young rotation and the lost of Silva.

Yeah, he is something like 47 years old (website says 33, but no one really knows.) Expensive too. But it might be worth it.

Make all of the above happen, and our lineup would look something like this:

(Of course, this is all assuming a Santana trade goes through, otherwise they will not be able to afford any of these dudes):

Ellsbury (or another young CFer obtained in the Santana trade)
Mike Lamb 3B
Delmon Young LF
Joe Mauer C
Barry Efffing Bonds! DH
Justin Morneau 1B
Cuddyer RF
Casilla SS
Loretta 2B

Pitchers

Liriano
Bonser
Livan
Baker
Who am I missing?

Nathan

Reyes

Neshek

Yes, I am living in a dream world.

In reality, the Tigers 2008 lineup looks like this:

1. Curtis Granderson, cf 2. Placido Polanco, 2b 3. Magglio Ordonez, rf 4. Miguel Cabrera, 3b 5. Gary Sheffield, DH 6. Carlos Guillen, 1b 7. Edgar Renteria, ss 8. Jacque Jones, lf 9. Ivan Rodriguez, c.

In other words, they are going to win 105 games. So none of this really matters because it is going to take 106 to win the division and 95 to win the wild card. The Twins are a long way off from that.

But we have that nice new stadium to lose games and be crappy at baseball in!

Le sigh.