Wednesday, December 12, 2007


Last update: December 11, 2007 - 11:04 PM

After acquiring Craig Monroe in a trade with the Cubs last month, the Twins decided they would only keep him if he accepted a pay cut.

Damn right. Cross your fingers, everyone, here we go!!!

On Tuesday, the Twins got their wish, when Monroe agreed to a 20 percent cut from his 2007 salary, signing a one-year, $3.82 million contract.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Oh crap. No. No. No. NO!

At least, at the very least, he took the minimum amount the league rules would allow the Twins to offer.

But still, this sucks. Why? Read all the stuff below, that's why. In summation:

1. Craig Monroe is generally very, very poor at baseball.
2. The Twins are a low-budget squad and they just gave him 4 million dollars to stink at baseball next season.
3. Grrrrrr.

Today is the deadline for teams to offer 2008 contracts, and Monroe was a non-tender candidate, especially after the Twins traded for Delmon Young.

Along with Young, Michael Cuddyer and Jason Kubel, Monroe gives them four corner outfielders vying for three spots -- left field, right field or DH.

Hooray! We have FOUR, count em, FOUR corner outfielders. How many corner outfielders are allowed on the playing field at one time? Two! Count em! Two! Did Bill Smith fail first grade math? Four is greater than two, Billy. How many reserve outfielders do you need?

SAT Question: Terry Ryan is to utility infielders what Bill Smith is to:
Answer: Corner outfielders.

Matt Question: Who the heck is going to play center if no Santana deal goes through?
Bill Smith answer: Drrrrrrrrrrr...

And, seriously, do you want ANY of those guys as your starting DH in 2008? I don't.

"We wouldn't have signed Craig Monroe if we didn't think he would get enough at-bats," Twins GM Bill Smith said. "We think there will be enough at-bats for Monroe, Young, [Jason] Kubel and [Michael] Cuddyer. They are all going to be critical parts of our offense in 2008."

Four guys. Three spots. Does not equal. At bats for everyone. Maybe he is getting a league exemption to play four outfielders like we do in my co-ed softball beer league?

Monroe, who turns 31 in February, batted .255 with 28 home runs, 92 RBI and a .783 on-base-plus-slugging percentage (OPS) while playing left field for the Tigers in 2006.

But he hit just .219 with 12 home runs, 59 RBI and a .638 OPS last season. In August, the Tigers traded him to the Cubs.

Okay, I am not going to go over this again. Craig Monroe is not a 'good' hitter, 2006 was not a 'good' season. Unless he has no hands. Those would be good stats for a person with no hands.

And there should be a 'just' in the first sentence right after the word 'batted'. Similar to its use in the second sentence.

The Twins did not have to send the Cubs a player to complete their trade if they didn't sign Monroe. The player to be named is expected to be a fringe minor leaguer, and the deadline is May 1.

Send them my dog. He's a good pup. Better at soccer than baseball. But will still probably give the Cubs the better deal. Which they deserve for being smart enough to dump Craig Monroe on the hapless Twins.

I wonder if older GMs pick on rookie GMs they way older kids rip off younger kids in baseball card trades?

Monroe made nearly $4.8 million last season. His new salary won't become guaranteed until he
makes the Opening Day roster. If the Twins cut him, they would only have to pay him one-sixth of his salary, or $636,667.

HOPE!!!!!! HOPE!!!!!!!

If he makes the club, he can receive up to $155,000 in plate appearance incentives and $25,000 if he is named comeback player of the year.

If Craig Monroe wins comeback player of the year, I will give him my house.

"Craig's attitude is he's going to play his game, like he did before last season, and force his way into the lineup as much as possible," said Monroe's agent, Ryan Ware.

Kind of a weird end to the article, eh? It just kind of tails off?

And, also, 'force his way into the lineup' is an odd way of putting it, don't you think?

And 'his game'? What game is he playing exactly? Everyone else is playing baseball?

Whatever. I'm spent.

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